I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
