Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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