I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
