every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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