I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
