she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
