don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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