i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
