I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
