Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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