well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
