He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
