just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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