He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
