My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
