I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
