Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
