very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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