I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
