Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
