I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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