Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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