I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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