Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am one with the molecules
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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