I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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