My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Randomize
