shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
