God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
