You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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