The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I got inside last night via doggy door
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
