ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
