Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
