so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
