with your own penis?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
