I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
