my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
