I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
