I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
