I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
