I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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