Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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