WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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