I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
