I'm jealous of your bromance
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
