Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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