guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
