I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
