BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
