Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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