I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
