the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
