well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
