My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The struggles of a small town man whore
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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