you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
