She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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