Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
