My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
