i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
